Thursday, January 28, 2010
59 WAYS AND THEN SOME TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER
The best way to hold a man is in your arms. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — then on Sunday pray for crop failure. The younger the better. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught. Love is a hole in the heart. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics. Do it only with the best. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. One good turn gets most of the blankets. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Thou shalt not commit adultery … unless in the mood. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. Never say no. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. Love comes in spurts. The world does not revolve on an axis. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. “This won’t hurt, I promise.”
thanks to erospainter for this.