Saturday, September 10, 2011
I don’t know if you’d be able to read this but whatever. This will be my last letter for you, aside from the one I’ve written and gave you the last time we meet. It’s a closure to everything – no hang-ups, no future hopes and promises, nothing else but closure.
I can see that you’re happy with her already and I must be feeling relieved now. Bitterness aside, I am honestly happy for you. I hope she’d love you more than I’ve ever loved you. I hope she’d do those things you love, resist those things you dislike and be the girl that you’ve been wanting to have.
Choosing God over you was crucial, if I may say. But I had no regrets. When He showed me the sign, I knew right away that I had to let you go, but I still hanged a little bit, right? I still doubted if that’s what God really wants me to do. But you know God’s been really patient to me. He never got tired showing me or making me feel that I am better off this relationship.
A lot of people, including you I guess have been weirded about these changes I’m doing – on how I talk about God 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But it’s not weird for me at all, if you could only see the miracle He has done for me, you’d understand it better.
If not for Him, maybe I’m still depressed right now. Maybe I still get long, sleepless nights, feeling bitter about what happened. Maybe my pessimism could have gotten worse. Maybe I’m thinking of giving up my life already. You know how emotional I was when we’re still together, right? You know how I am capable of doing the strangest things when I’m in the darkest days of my life.
But you see, it’s really suprising that I wake up every morning smiling and looking forward to yet another day full of love. I am full of hope, full of determination that I’d be able to withstand every hurtful things that could come along my way. I do not think our breakup could stop me from believing in love because with God alone, I feel so much loved.
When I lost you, I knew I have also lost my best friend. Do you remember how I always tell you before that you, among other people in the world are the only person who really understands every inch of my personality? I was so scared knowing that I was about to lose that person. I was scared by thought that now that you’re gone, no one could ever understand me like the way you did.
But I was so wrong to think that way. I forgot the only One who could really accept me for who I am, who could really embrace all my flaws, who is really patient when I’m being stubborn, who could really love me UNCONDITIONALLY. I forgot about God. And when you left, I began to see the good things that I have failed to see for such a very long time.
I won’t be a hypocrite saying that I’m not hurting anymore. Of course, I get hurt every now and then but I’ve realized that it’s only a matter of ACCEPTING and FORGIVING. There is no room for bitterness, selfishness, and unforgiveness now coz I know it won’t make me feel better if I’d succumb myself to those negative feelings.
I know things happened that way because better things will soon come. I may have lost you, but I became closer to God since then, and that’s something to be really thankful for. I’ve once thought that you’re the right one for me, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe God designed you to be with someone better and God wants me for a better guy, too. Our paths have crossed to teach each other a lesson and I want you to know that I have learned a lot from you. If not for you, I wouldn’t be able to know how much I am able to give for the person I really love.
When the time comes that I’d fall in love again, I know it’ll be a whole lot different. I’ve learned enough. And for sure, the next relationship I’d get myself into is the relationship God chooses me to be in. It’s Him who is driving my whole life now. I’m just patiently waiting for His plans for me.
I wish you well. She may be or may not be the one for you but I just wish you happiness. I will always remember you as a wonderful memory that happened to my life. You will always be special and I would forever cherish the good things that you’ve done for me. Those things that hurt me will serve as my guide not to stumble for another heartbreak again. God will work on my behalf. And I’m praying that God will also bless you in every thing that you do.
Be happy now. It’s a pleasure having to met someone like you. Till we meet again.
The girl you’ve once loved,