Tuesday, June 08, 2010


A close friend and held-at-gunpoint fan of my work for the past 6 years had a humorous epiphany in relation to this article in progress. He quipped that since I was very much into deriving pearls of wisdom from the unlikeliest of items, his little observation just be what I need for my article.

A new love, he says, that comes at the tail-end of a failed relationship can be any of three things: a band-aid (otherwise known as panakip-butas), ointment (think Tiger Balm, Omega, or Ben Gay), or a painkiller (Alaxan, Aaaaadvil, or Midol. Take your pick).

Flings, One-night-stands, FUBUs-are all short-term or short-lived so-called solutions to the problem at hand, otherwise known as band-aids. As you already know band-aids cover up a wound, keeping the bloody mess from plain view. And like they say; out of sight, out of mind. But if you really think about it, band-aids don't really take away the pain. Of course they do keep the thing all neat and tidy on the surface while the wound continues to fester underneath.

Next thing you know, you're lying on your back in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and the pain starts creeping in. Through the ache you wonder what the hell you are doing in some strange bed, who the hell you're with, and why the heck you do it. Then you remember why and you groan inwardly. But what's the point of it all if not to keep from hurting, right? Still there you are... in the dark. Hurting just as much (or perhaps even more) before you hooked up with the one snoring next to you.

Then there are those who are so great to be with, you simply forget about the pain. Let's face it. The world is full of wonderful, lovable people who could be the next best thing that could happen to you, only you won't let it because you're too tangled up in your own hang-ups to notice. But in the event that you do allow yourself to have a bit of fun every now and then, they're there, ready to wrestle a smile out of your gloomy disposition, fill your ears with phrases of encouragement, and inflate your ego with unadulterated adoration. Fortunately for you they don't ask for much save for your being happy. They're the bosom buddy, no. 1 fan, on-call lover rolled into one. They're the balm to your wounded soul-if only for a few hours to a couple of months or until you finally get yourself together and let yourself love again... though not necessarily with them.

Lastly we come to the human versions of ibuprofen paracetamol. People proven to stop the pain before it stops you. And you go to great lengths to find them. It doesn't matter that it's only been a week since the break-up, all you know is that you've hit rock bottom and there's no other way to go but up, right? Through sheer determination you might even be lucky enough to find someone. Suddenly life is beautiful once again. You're overwhelmed, overjoyed, head-over-feet for someone again. You're so happy, you can hardly remember whats-her-name or whats-his-face and why the heck you were so miserable in the first place. But then, every beginning has an ending. Yes, for a moment there he or she definitely took the pain away but then the effects wear off and you're back to hurting all over again. What happens next? Should you go on another fervent hunt for "The One?" Take down the numbers of a prospect or two and call them in the morning?

Then again I'm just talking about if you manage to find someone to address your aches and pains. But what if you don't? What if, despite your efforts, there's noone there? What then?

I've learned that in the end you need three things to remedy a broken heart, ego, and soul. Time, distance, and yourself. As words come, those three aren't so difficult to pronounce but it's a hell of a lot to really apply. But anyone who's had his or her heart broken before can tell you that if there are tried and tested elements into getting over someone, those would be it. It may sound a bit sanctimonious but if you even start looking to others for happiness and healing, then you will always do so. Old habits die hard. Believe me, I know.

How will you know when you're finally okay? I can only speak from experience-when the titles of self-help books, particularly those that sound like "How to handle hurt" or "Love conquers all-even broken hearts" won't catch your eye in a bookstore. When you can do things you used to do together and feel nostalgia and not nausea. When you can hear certain songs played on the radio you won't feel even a slight twinge. Basically if your can go through your every day without sparing a thought to the pain you used to harbor because of the past and if you can honestly wonder about the person without plotting elaborate schemes of revenge or without having your vision suddenly going blurry with tears, then you're on your way to recovery, if not already.

My unsolicited advice to those still in the process of getting over? Live. Just live. And when I say live, don't just drift through the days like a ghost of your former self. Really live; and if you can, live it up-with friends, family members, loved ones, your dog, etc. Obviously his or her life didn't stop for you, why then should you let yours?  And it always helps if you have a sense of humor.

Postscript: I got this from my email and it is from peyups.com contributed by: taas_kilay and edited by: mananalaysay.  The writer said "This is dedicated to the most unlikely person to help me write this-my Ex. Thank you for always being an inspiration... even in the most ironic of topics and situations, hehehe."

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